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All relationships

are on a spectrum, from healthy to abusive, with non-healthy relationships in the middle.

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Healthy Relationships

If you recognize any of the warning signs, it may be an indication that your relationship is abusive. Call to connect with an advocate to confidentially discuss your situation and explore available options. 

Relationship Spectrum

We are no longer using the "@" or "x" to indicate gender inclusivity. Now we use "e." Some people prefer to be referred to as "le" rather than "la" or "el" or "lo."


A healthy relationship means that both you and your partner:

Communicate: You talk openly about problems and listen to each other.

Respect each other: You value the opinions, feelings and needs of others, and give yourselves the freedom to be yourselves and be loved for who you are.

Trust: You believe what your partner tells you and do not feel the need to "prove" the other's trustworthiness.

Are honest: They are honest with each other, but can still keep some things private.

Have equity: You make decisions together and hold each other to the same standards. You and your partner have an equal voice regarding important decisions within the relationship. Everyone has access to the resources they need.

Enjoy your personal time: You like to spend time apart, alone or with other people. They respect each other's need for time and space. They communicate with each other about what they are comfortable with and what they are not. They talk openly about sexual and reproductive choices together. They practice consent for sexual activity and can safely discuss what they are and are not comfortable with.

Have solidarity in parenting: They can raise their children in a way that they feel comfortable with. They communicate together about the needs of the children, as well as the needs of the fathers, mothers and/or caregivers.


You may be in an unhealthy relationship if you or your partner:

Do not communicate: When problems arise, they fight or don't talk about it at all.

Lack respect: You or your partner behave inconsiderately towards each other, you don't care about your partner's feelings.

Do not trust: You or your partner refuse to believe the other person or feel entitled to invade their privacy.

Are dishonest: You or your partner lie, omit or hide facts.

Take control: You or your partner take steps to suggest that one person's desires and choices are more important than the other's.

Isolate: Your partner restricts your contact with other people, whether in person or online.

Put pressure on sexual activity: One person uses pressure or guilt against another person to force them to perform sexual acts or reproductive choices.

Ignore the limits: It is assumed or implied that only one person is responsible for making informed decisions.

Are economically unequal: Finances are not discussed. Financial decisions are made unilaterally or only one person is assumed to be in charge of the finances.


You may be in an abusive relationship if you or your partner:

Communicates harmfully: Your partner communicates or communicates in a way that is hurtful, threatening, insulting, or degrading.

Mistreats: Your partner does not respect your thoughts, feelings, decisions, opinions, or physical safety.

Makes false accusations: Your partner accuses you of cheating or breaking the boundaries of your relationship. Your partner may escalate by creating situations where you need to "prove" your trustworthiness, such as handing over your social media passwords.

Controls: There is no equality in their relationship. One person makes decisions without input from the other, or makes all the decisions in certain parts of the relationship, such as finances.

Isolates: Your partner controls where you travel, who you talk to, or how you spend your time. This often includes physical or emotional isolation from family and friends.

Forces sexual activity or controls reproductive choices: Your partner forces or pressures you to engage in sexual activity that you do not want. Your partner controls your reproductive choices by sabotaging birth control or pressuring you to have or not have children.

Controls finances: Your partner controls money and access to resources, including preventing you from earning income or accessing your own income. Having an open and respectful dialogue about finances is not an option.

Manipulates children: Your partner uses your children to gain power and control over you, even telling them lies or unfounded criticism about you.

Why Do They Abuse?

Helping Someone

Sexual Violence

Power & Control Wheel

Equity Wheel


Know Your Rights

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